7 Small Shawls: T - 176 days and counting down.
Sorry I was away yesterday! And many thanks to those of you who wrote to ask if everything is ok. Yes, it is. And no, it's not.
Today would have been my beautiful mother's 66th birthday. And this year, for some reason, I have been lower than low. I guess I've been so angry with her that the sadness has been covered to some degree. I'm still angry. Every day when I look at my boys and think of everything she has missed. But the sadness is closing in more and more.
This is her around 1976 on a yacht with her boss.
And here she is watching the SF Bay to Breakers race from Yerba Buena Gardens.
That was only a couple of years before her death in 2005 from liver failure. She had so much: beauty, talent, intelligence, the ability to talk to anyone and make them like her. I always remember her when I was a little. She used to bring my friends and me Ho-Hos and drive us to see The Nutcracker. She took me to ballet and art and music lessons. I idolized her. But she slipped away little by little by little until she was no longer the person I loved. Alcohol does that. The truth is that when she died, I had already lost her over twenty years before.
Before my mother died, I asked her why she drank. She said she didn't know, probably the most honest she had ever been. And I keep asking myself why...even though I know there is no answer.
Happy birthday, Mama, wherever you are. I love you. And I miss you.